Rest in peace, baby girl.

This morning Iris was euthanized. This was a really rough weekend. She hadn't been eating for much of the week, she refused to drink water, and got so weak that she couldn't walk. She would fall over and try to drag herself from one place to another. It was heartbreaking. She was frustrated at how she couldn't get around, but she had lost the will to fight any longer. She was exhausted and wasn't going to come back from this. It's sad and lonely with out her around, even though I know the decision to put her down was the right one. And I know that she had a good life and that I did what I could for her and that she was a happy cat who impressed a lot of people with her courage and her strength. I'm proud of her and, although she had a short life, I'm thankful for the privilege to have had her share her short life with me.

So long, little one.

On the day I adopted her in 2007. So tiny.

Sort of discovering the great outdoors while on vacation at my Dad's house in 2009.

My darling Iris. Even though she was never healthy like an ordinary cat, she was always sweet and loving. 

Headband headaches are a bummer.

Good morning, world.

I saw 6 AM this weekend for the first time in a loooong time. And when I say i saw it, I mean, I was out in it. I haven't been up and out the door at that time in years. It was to go garage sale-ing with a buddy around town. Lesson that we learned was that JC garage sales are mostly for kid clothes, not really that much awesome finds to be found. Although, if I had been looking for furniture, I would have scored some pretty sweet deals. There were two really well made wooden throne and wing back chairs with bright orange velvet upholstery in really great condition at one house and they wanted 10 bucks apiece for them. Another place had one of those old time Frigidaire refrigerators that was working really well for 50 bucks. I ended up with a fifty cent video tape of "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and a 1.00 single record of the Beatles "Day Tripper" and "We Can Work It Out". It's a little scratchy, but definitely a good deal for a buck. And it was fun to go garage saleing. Worth getting up and seeing 6 am again. JC was dead silent at 6 am on a drizzly Saturday, it was kind of cool. I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do when I move away and I really am kind of into the idea of just selling off a lot of my furniture and just keeping a few things and buying new/new to me things wherever I end up. Garage sale-ing seems like a good idea for furniture shopping maybe... We'll see.

Have you seen those shows on tv where it's somebody buying their first house? Or even just people buying a house at all, not necessarily their first one? I see the shows when I visit my Dad's house sometimes, and yesterday I saw one episode and it struck me how happy I am to have been able to buy a house by myself and not have had to worry about what another person wanted or thought about it or anything. I shopped for a home for me, and me only, and I was able to get exactly what I wanted. And I think it will always be something that I'm really really happy I did. I don't plan to buy another house when I move away. I'll probably do the apartment/rental thing again until I'm more settled. But, I'm really really glad that I did this now, before marriage and a family. It's my own place and I can do whatever I want with it. I think it will make it easier for me to compromise on living spaces down the road, because I've had my own place, and it was perfect for me. I don't expect to ever find a place like it again, and I'll always remember it as mine and nobody else's and I think I need that kind of thing. I have a really independent nature and it's almost critical to me to know that I can do things on my own. And when I'm older and look back at this time, just knowing that I did own this perfect little house for me and it was mine for a while is going to make me really content about wherever I might live in the future. I'm really glad I took the plunge and did the house thing on my own. I had friends at the time who thought I was nuts and who said they'd never buy a house when they were single, but I know that it was exactly the right thing for me to do and that I had to purchase a house when I was single. Renting an apartment or a house on my own wasn't enough. I had to buy one on my own and know without a doubt that I could do it without being married. It's one of those weird quirks people have, I guess.

Today I get to do my first ever solo consultation. It's this afternoon and I'm excited about it. I dressed up for the occasion and have on a fancier headband than I normally wear (I've taken to wearing headbands because my hair is in an awkward length phase and if I don't do something with it, I'll chop it all off again) and the fancy headband is making my head ache. And I thought it might when I put it on this morning and for a split second, I thought to myself, "Maybe take one that you know doesn't hurt so you can put it on later...", and then I went "Naaaaw." and left the house. Now here I sit, barely two hours later and I wish I had that other headband. Go with your gut instinct. I know I should, I don't know why I second-guess it so often.

Dad's Day was yesterday. It was a good time. We went to the local brewery and sat outside and it was nice. Plus, both USA Men's soccer team And the Cardinals won yesterday, which was a nice addition to the day. I take Iris over to Dad's house on holidays, and yesterday counted as a holiday. She threw up big time on Dad's white carpet. She's such a kooky animal, but it's kind of predictable kookiness sometimes. She'll gorge herself on food and then walk a little bit and it's kind of obvious that she's going to barf it all back up. And Dad does his best to make sure she has a little litter pan of her own and she tries really hard to use it correctly, but it doesn't ever work 100%. She's got a knack for always doing something that makes things a bit more complicated. For instance, she used the litter pan correctly and then tried to bury it (which was a nice surprise as she usually doesn't do that, either) and threw all the litter down the a/c vent. It's easy to be frustrated with Iris, but if Iris gets something 75% right, that's about the best she can do. She lost so much development when she was a baby from being so sick that she's just always behind the rest of the cat population on learning ordinary cat-ness. Watson's done all he can and has basically washed his paws of the whole thing. She'll sit next to him and stare at the ceiling and twirls her head from side to side trying to figure out where the noises she's hearing comes from, and Watson lets her do it about 10 seconds and then he'll reach out and smack her. It's hilarious.

I learned stuff this week.

You know how names can mean certain things? And sometimes, names can attach a lot of hopes to certain things. Or a name might end up sort of becoming really fitting later on in life. Or it might take on different meanings as the person/animal goes through their life? Are you understanding where I'm going with this? My cat, Iris, was named after the flower. When she went blind, people began assuming she was named for the part of the eye (that for her, doesn't work correctly). A couple of nights ago, I was reading a book and the characters live in Iris Haven, Florida. I have no idea if that is a real place or not. It doesn't matter. The point is that the main character was having a flashback to a scene where Iris Haven gets its name and the name 'Iris' became a major part of that flashback. I only know about as much as the next person regarding Greek mythology. I think it's interesting, but there are so many gods and goddesses that it's pretty difficult to keep up, especially if you have only a mild curiosity about it to begin with. Anyway, the story went that there was a goddess named Iris. And she is the goddess of rainbows. She is supposed to have used the rainbows to breach the gap between the gods and humans and acted as a messenger between the two. Also, in the story, she is known as the goddess whose job it is to transport the souls of dying women. This struck me as really interesting. Iris has always been kind of special to me, not just because she's my own cat, but because she was born just a couple of weeks before my mom died. I look at her and know that for a brief amount of time, she and my mom were both alive at the same time and it doesn't seem like my mom has been gone as long as it feels like she has sometimes. It's comforting in an odd way. Also, to think I unknowingly named her after a goddess that had the job of transporting dying womens' souls is kind of interesting to me. Iris was adopted during a period of time that I really have no actual memories, just a black hole. But, she helped to bring me back from the really ugly place that I was stuck for months after losing my mom. Iris getting so sick and nearly dying made me aware of the fact that there are other things outside of my own grief that needed to be dealt with. It helped to pull me out, because I was in pretty deep and, looking back, I am terrified of the fact that I can get so sad and so grief-stricken that I literally lose my mind. I saw something the other day that said it was a psychological fact that emotional pain only lasts 12 minutes. If you're still hurting emotionally after 12 minutes, it's self-inflicted. I don't know if that's true or not. I bet there is a way to measure emotional pain in the brain, like maybe some sort of chemical is released at the time your feelings get hurt and the chemical dissipates from the brain in 12 minutes? The fact was just the fact, no explanation came with it. Sometimes those kinds of facts bug me. I want answers, damn it. I like random facts and bits of trivia, but I want more than one-liners if at all possible.

I also have learned one sentence in Spanish, which I'm sure will come in handy daily:
¿Tienes algún chocolate?
Do you have any chocolate? (My hope is that the answer is always, 'Si.')

Iris + Bruce Springsteen 4ever.

My cat, Iris, has a real fondness for Bruce Springsteen. It's odd, but goes back to when she was a baby. Even before she had her stroke and lost her sight and all of her health problems. She was a little baby kitten and there was music on a lot, but when Bruce Springsteen's "Radio Nowhere" would come on the cd player, she'd actually start running around and playing and getting really excited. And then when she got really sick and had so many health problems and barely moved at all, she would still perk up and walk around and generally be lively when Bruce Springsteen's songs would be on. It was really amazing. Still is, actually. I don't know what it is about his voice or the songs or what, but she's got a real fondness for his music. Now it's over four years later, and she's still hooked. That's why he's considered her favorite musician. She's got good taste, if I do say so myself.

When I got my record player system working, she was really freaked out by it at first and I thought that getting a Springsteen album would help her calm down. It arrived today. And this was the scene while I was playing it. She won't even lay this close to the player during any other record is playing. But, Bruce? She can't get close enough. And it didn't hurt, that apparently the record album cover smelled really interesting and she wanted to be near it. I was really glad to get this picture. My adorable little blind girl and her idol. This is her favorite St. Patrick's Day ever.